A week in the life of a 17-year-old student in Ukraine
Diana writes about the impact of the war on her daily life in Cherkasy, Ukraine. (Courtesy of Kobi Wolf/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Diana writes about the impact of the war on her daily life in Cherkasy, Ukraine.
Monday, 22 August
Before going to work Mom warned me to stay at home. She believes that this week there may be the mass bombing of Ukraine. Interestingly, she only said that after I returned from a morning walk with our dog, which is a chore everyone in the family would like to avoid doing. So, I have a feeling that I have been tricked in some way…
Suddenly I heard some booms. My neighbours decided to chop wood during an air raid. While this may help them to calm down, it has a slightly different effect on me. I’m really jumpy these days.
In the evening I walked my dog with my mom and sister. Since we moved to Cherkasy after our house in the Donetsk region was bombed in 2014, I’ve never seen this area so populous before. I’m glad to see new people, although it breaks my heart to realise that they all escaped here from the occupied territories. Some of them live in an old sanatorium nearby, which is OK for the summertime, but not when the winter cold comes. I’d like to believe that they will be able to return home by winter, but I’m afraid to think about such a distant future. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, how could I plan for the winter?
Anyway, the dog is happy to make many new friends, if you can call rushing one after another while barking loudly so.
“Not sleeping well this night. I don’t think there have been so many air raid sirens in reality. Perhaps, they were just in my mind.”
Mom told me that Dad would come home from Kyiv, where he works, for two days. I'm so happy. However, only yesterday I heard Dad asking Mom to check that our documents are in one place and to charge her electric car in case we would have to drive away.
Not sleeping well this night. I don’t think there have been so many air raid sirens in reality. Perhaps, they were just in my mind.
Tuesday, 23 August
Dad returned home!
It’s windy and hot today. All the windows in the house are open. Someone keeps forgetting to close the doors in the house, so they keep slamming loudly. Not good for my nervous system. The dog, who usually sleeps under my bed, starts barking loudly when he hears a slam. His barks are almost in unison with my beating heart.
Went to the local art gallery. I’ve been here only once before, and since then nothing has drastically changed. Perhaps the guards became more welcoming. Perhaps this is because me, my sister and my dad were the only visitors there.
I was impressed by a photography exhibition. The photos depicted the Cherkasy region from 1906–1912. Interestingly, the people in them looked somehow all angry, as if they didn’t like being disturbed. They were frowning and standing with their arms crossed, even in a wedding group photo. However, my favourite photo was of a small girl dressed in a traditional Ukrainian costume, which was charmingly too big for her. The skirt started from her shoulders, and the necklace was weighing on her gentle neck. Actually, I was quite surprised to see that the majority of people in the photos wore what we now consider “traditional costume” in their day-to-day lives. For example, almost everyone was wearing vyshyvanka during haymaking.
When we were in the gallery the air raid siren went off. No one ushered us away. I was trying to keep away from windows and couldn’t concentrate on the paintings anymore. My knees were shaking until I read in the Telegram chat that the alarm was over. At that time I already wanted to go home.
Slept even worse tonight. Three air raid sirens.
Wednesday, 24 August
Ten air raid sirens overall. The biggest number so far. The Ukrainian air defence system eliminated a Russian missile near my region. Nothing unusual.
Today is the Independence Day of Ukraine. I think it’s so important this year, as it shows that whatever happens, Ukraine will never get on its knees and stop fighting. But I feel that we need a day to celebrate the Ukrainian fight for independence as well. As they say: Focus not on the result, but on the process. I’m so happy to celebrate Independence Day at home today. I’m so happy to just be at home. Never really appreciated it.
“Today is the Independence Day of Ukraine. I think it’s so important this year, as it shows that whatever happens, Ukraine will never get on its knees and stop fighting.”
I watched an hour of an entertaining show today. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched one. A long time since I’ve read a fiction book. A long time since I’ve danced or sang (in the case of the latter, it’s probably for the best). Actually, not “a long time,” but exactly six months.
Somehow, this diary has turned into my thought diary. But Mom always told me to think first and then act. Is this where it comes from?
Thursday, 25 August
No air raid sirens so far today.
Mom is feeling bad. As I understood, she hasn’t slept all night. Told her to go to the hospital because she wouldn’t stay at home and I felt she needed someone to look after her if not me. But she drove to work as people were already waiting for her in the office. I was worried when she didn’t answer my messages, but it appeared that after all she went to the hospital. She had five injections and an IV therapy, and they also gave her some syringes to make injections herself during the week.
This evening I discovered a new path when I was cycling in the forest. It’s quite dangerous, as it’s really narrow and is above a kind of a cliff. Plus, it’s sandy. Don’t know why I’m writing about a path right now. I wasn’t thinking about it, when I was driving there. I was still thinking about Mom.
We went for a late walk with the dog today, me and Mom. The dog was hilarious. He found a hedgehog and was trying to understand what it was. At first, he was just running around, while I moved the hedgehog from the road to the path near the forest. Then, the dog tried to poke it with his nose, but he failed and started “beating” the poor hedgehog with his paw. Finally, the dog was so stressed out and nervous that he was just barking at the hedgehog.
I recalled that I once read an article in The Scientist Magazine about dogs being detrimental to the earth's ecosystem. I suddenly felt guilty for allowing the dog to tease and scare the hedgehog. But Mom was having fun, so I just smiled silently.
Friday, 26 August
Today I decided to cycle to the forest with my dog. This was a peculiar experience. He was always running behind me, so I had to constantly check on him, turning my head and risking falling down. Which I eventually did. Luckily, we were alone in the forest, because usually there are a lot of people and a lot of dogs (not necessarily together).
I can’t believe that people are really afraid of going to the forest now. Our region is not at the front lines of the war, so why would we have any mines there? However, yesterday the police found three grenades near the port, so maybe they have some reason. It’s so weird finding the English translation for military terms to write this.
No air raid sirens at all tonight. Don’t know whether I should cheer or fear.
Saturday, 27 August
Perhaps there were some air raid sirens today at night, but I couldn’t hear anything but the thunderstorm. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced something like this before. It was so loud outside that I even had to close the window, although I usually feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic without fresh air in the room.
The lightning was so frequent that my room was constantly bright. Every burst of light was accompanied with a crushing sound. Or maybe vice versa. The rain was literally pouring from the sky, and I was worried about the bicycle that I left outside. Sometimes it felt like a dream.
At some point, the dog, who usually sleeps under my bed, jumped near me. He crawled next to my side and pressed into it. I think he was scared. Don’t know whether my proximity helped him to calm down, but his presence surely did so for me.
“No air raid sirens at all tonight. Don’t know whether I should cheer or fear.”
Sunday, 28 August
This morning Dad told me that he had a strange dream that some people were taking many photos with flashes of him. I showed him the news about the thunderstorm that night; the lightning had been his paparazzi flashes.
Apart from that funny moment, I felt down all morning. I've been working on my personal statement for my university applications this autumn. I checked some corrections a teacher sent me and noticed that she had changed my “the war in Ukraine” to ”the conflict in Ukraine.” I don’t think I’ve ever had a panic attack before, but my state felt like that. I was trembling and my heart was beating super fast. My cheeks were burning, as they always do when I experience strong emotions. I felt furious and cheated at the same time. I wrote her an email. I came back to it when I calmed down. I rewrote it then for the third time and sent it.
Then, I just lay on my bed on the verge of crying. I don’t know why. That was so difficult. I couldn’t (and can’t) understand why I had to prove that mass killings and acts of terrorism in Ukraine are the war.
Anyway, I haven’t told my parents about this incident, as they would have been scared of me speaking out. I get them: I’m on a scholarship at school, so my future kind of partially depends on the school. If they take it away, I won’t have anywhere to study. But on the other hand, I would never forgive and respect myself if I hadn’t written that email.
We chose the right time to stroll near the port today, as there weren’t a lot of people. The sun and the water were bright. The fishermen were huddling on a bridge with a jealous distance from one another. Dad said that they are a sort of subculture. I can see his point: They have special traditions and requirements to be accepted in this “club.” Since the last time I’ve been here, the number of fishermen has grown. Perhaps this is because Dnipro has been demined. Or maybe not. Maybe it hasn't affected the fishermen at all. Could it be because there were no air raid sirens for two days? Oh, I feel I would be so bad at fishing.
As soon as I mentioned the air raid sirens during the dinner, I heard one. It felt so odd. It was so naive of me to hope that I won’t hear them anymore.
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