Girls should live as freely as birds
"I would like to be the voice of girls who are living in circumstances like mine. I would like to provide support to all girls. I pray that God helps me in this endeavour and that I do not ever have to rely on anyone else." (Photo courtesy of StoryKit)
17-year-old Zaibi Khan recounts a personal story that changed her life and relationships to herself, her family, and her education. Through storytelling workshop with Storykit —an organisation supported by Malala Fund — Zaibi shares her story of growth, leadership, and breaking free of gendered stereotypes that disrupt and keep girls out of school.
It was evening. I was pacing about on the rooftop when I saw a bird flying and wondered why we girls are unable to live freely, like birds.
In my experience, our society does not look favourably upon girls living freely. They are subject to all kinds of restrictions and are considered inferior to boys, which is something that hurts me the most.
There are four sisters and four brothers in my family. I am the middle child. My father is a property dealer and my mother is a housewife. My two older sisters and two older brothers only studied up to matriculation, or the 10th grade. I am the only person from our family who is studying in college.
People in my family do not think well of girls who have studied to an advanced degree. But I don’t think that way. They put restrictions on everything I want to do. I can only rely on God’s help because every girl needs a support system — which I don’t have in my family.
“I consider the day I refused to get married the best day of my life. Afterwards, my mother stopped me from going to college for a month, and pressured me to agree to the proposal. But my future and my dreams were far too important to me”
I am trying to fulfil my dreams. After my studies, I wish for a good life where I can make my own decisions. It is no sin to wish to live freely, but in our society, it is considered one.
When I was younger, my maternal aunt asked for my hand in marriage for her son, who was ten years older than me. I had dreams and I wished to accomplish something in life and build a future for myself. I did not want to get married.
But my family was obsessed with the idea of getting me married, and would often say, “Now that she has completed her matriculation, she should be married off.” My family agreed to the marriage proposal without telling me or asking for my consent.
When I found out, I did everything I could to stop it from happening but my aunt and her family had already come to our house to perform the nikah (marriage) ceremony. Because my family knew that I would refuse, they decided to hold the nikah and did not ask me once what I wanted.
I finally sent for my uncle, my father’s younger brother, because I knew that he would support me. I told him everything. He stood by me in that difficult time and counselled my parents. Finally, they relented and the crisis averted. These events may read like a story, but only I know the trauma I experienced and the pain it caused me.
"It is my dream to join the Navy. I sometimes wonder, what is the point of having a dream which cannot be fulfilled?" (Photo courtesy of StoryKit)
I consider the day I refused to get married the best day of my life. Afterwards, my mother stopped me from going to college for a month, and pressured me to agree to the proposal. But my future and my dreams were far too important to me, and despite their best efforts, I did not relent. As a result, the proposal was finally refused, but I had to pay a heavy price for refusing my cousin’s hand. My family has still not forgiven me for it and has become cold and distant towards me. I feel that it will remain so for the rest of my life.
It pains me to be treated like a stranger in my own home, and sometimes, I falter in my resolve. The only relief I feel is the time I spend with my friend. These are some of the best moments of my life. Where my family is concerned, I don’t remember a single pleasant moment spent with them.
It is my dream to join the Navy. I sometimes wonder, what is the point of having a dream which cannot be fulfilled? But even though I do not see my dreams being realized, I will fight to my last breath. If not the Navy, I will find some other way to support myself. Having faith in my ambition will lead to success.
I would like to be the voice of girls who are living in circumstances like mine. I would like to provide support to all girls. I pray that God helps me in this endeavour and that I do not ever have to rely on anyone else.
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