My body, my sanctuary: how body shaming affects girls beyond self-esteem
20-year-old Saachi Shetty writes about her experience with body shaming and its effects. She also interviews her closest friends to share how it’s affected their self-confidence, robbed them of feeling comfortable in their own skin, and at times, disrupted their education.
Warning: This article mentions body shaming, eating disorders and body dysmorphia, which could be triggering to some readers.
“Beta, eat more.”
“You seem so weak.”
“You might get blown away by the wind."
“Don’t you feed her? She's so thin.”
“Perhaps gain some kgs?”
“Go hit the gym!”
These comments may seem casual but they act as a constant reminder of when I was body-shamed by my family and closest friends during a family gathering.
In India, like other countries, body shaming is common and can be a universal experience for girls. Factors such as cultural norms, societal expectations, peer pressure, exposure to Hollywood and Bollywood media ideals, and lack of awareness around body positivity can make individuals who don't “fit in” more susceptible to criticism. Additionally, rigid gender roles and stereotypes can contribute to the pressure girls face to meet beauty standards because we tend to experience a heightened scrutiny of our appearance compared to boys.
Body shaming is the act of making inappropriate comments and criticisms about a person’s body. This can result in lowered self-esteem, distorted body image, eating disorders, and insecurities lasting a lifetime.
Unfortunately, the culture that perpetuates body shaming never seems to disappear, it stems right from our homes — our haven. Even with conversations about body positivity or body neutrality on the rise, we still have a long way to go in ending body shaming.
I’ve witnessed everything on the spectrum. My friends have been shamed for being too thin, too big and for having body or facial hair. After all these years, I believe that those who shame others are often projecting their issues onto you. But sometimes, I wonder why we care so much about someone’s weight, what size they wear, or how their stomach is never flat enough.
Hyperfixation on women’s bodies can consume a significant amount of energy, distracting them from other important aspects of their lives: education, career and personal growth. Being preoccupied with our physical appearance can also limit our potential and stand in the way of gender equality — by hyperfocusing on our bodies, what other issues are we ignoring?
“There’s always going to be a beauty standard that you don’t fit, no matter how hard you try. Try to make yourself happy — that’s the most important thing.”
When society places undue emphasis on women's bodies, it reinforces harmful stereotypes and objectification, leading to a negative impact on our mental health and self-esteem. It is crucial to foster an inclusive and empowering environment that allows women to be valued for their skills, intelligence, and accomplishments rather than their physical attributes alone.
Being body-shamed is an everyday reality for many of us and this perception is only enhanced by the prevailing diet culture as well as the advertisements, movies and TV we consume, where we are conditioned to look a certain way to gain acceptance from society.
I spoke to three of my closest friends — Pavithra, Shreya, and Suhana* — about their experiences with body shaming and the effect it had on them.
Pavithra Menon, a 3rd-year psychology student in Bangalore says, “We always hear how women should support each other and how one's family is their backbone and greatest strength but my grandmother, who I love with all my heart, was always my biggest bully. She would constantly talk about my size, weight, and how I should eat less. She would even give me different portions in comparison to my brother.
This doesn’t affect me now because I've learned to love myself but it is unfair to my younger and more impressionable self. It completely shattered my self-esteem and personal growth. People blame it on a generation gap between my grandmother and me, but I was too young to understand that. Women should support each other rather than put each other down.”
Growing up, Shreya Saswati’s parents were constantly targeting her because she was chubby as a kid. “Body shaming from my parents affected me so much that during the Covid quarantine, I starved myself, and lost about 10 kilos,” she says. “When I lost weight, people started loving me more — my family especially,” she recalls. “But I wasn't happy with myself — I felt much weaker and was always light-headed. When I went to college, I decided to start eating properly again. Now, I'm back to my original weight — my parents aren't happy about it but at least I am.”
Shreya says she chose her health and happiness over the expectations of other people. “There's always going to be a beauty standard that you don’t fit, no matter how hard you try. Try to make yourself happy — that's the most important thing. And don't surround yourself with people who criticize how you look.”
Medical school student, Suhana Khan had a similar experience of being body-shamed by her family. “They comment on how much weight I seem to have gained. When I sit for a meal with them, my father tells me to watch how much I eat. Last year, I used to go to the gym, but I stopped going because it was interfering with my studies. I would be so tired afterward, that I didn’t have time to revise or complete any work.
Now, whenever my family asks if I still go to the gym, they look at me disappointed when i tell them no. I feel self-conscious about eating in front of others, in case they judge how much I eat.”
“Hyperfixation on women’s bodies can consume a significant amount of energy, distracting them from other important aspects of their lives: education, career and personal growth. ”
Families need to unlearn their narrow-mindedness and be accepting of others, especially their daughters. Remember that commenting on others’ bodies is not okay because it can impact not only mental health and self-esteem but also cause girls, who are susceptible to body-image issues, to hyperfixate on how they look.
No one deserves to be body-shamed. Upholding boundaries and standing up for others who experience body shaming goes a long way in helping girls overcome the effects of body-shaming. Step by step, we can make the world a kinder, more compassionate place and allow our bodies to become our sanctuaries again.
Editor’s note: Suhana is a pseudonym.
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