Nobody should feel there is something wrong with their body at the age of 13
16-year-old Mexican student María Fernanda writes about recovering from an eating disorder. (Courtesy of María Fernanda)
16-year-old Mexican student María Fernanda writes about recovering from an eating disorder.
Warning: This article mentions eating disorders and body dysmorphia, which could be triggering to some readers.
At the start of 2019, when I was just 13 years old, I started to hear from friends of mine that some of my classmates were making negative comments about my body and weight. They made me feel completely embarrassed about the way I look. I started to believe that if I had the body most of the girls at my school had, all these comments would stop and I would finally fit in.
So, in 2020, I made a new year’s resolution to lose weight by the end of the year. By August of that year, it had developed into an eating disorder.
It was beyond scary. My life could not go on the way it once did. Now everything I did was based on losing weight and the emptiness I felt whenever I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that I still didn’t look the way I desired. My entire world had become ALL about my body and what others might think about it, leaving every single other thing in life behind. I stopped seeing some friends of mine due to the fact that I felt really insecure about the way I looked. I was also constantly zoning out during school hours thinking about new ways I could exercise more and eat less, making it harder for me to comprehend all of the topics my teachers covered.
It eventually got to a point where my parents and I realized I needed to reach out for professional help. As I worked to heal, I stopped exercising for a while and came back to eating around my family, trying out all of the different foods they cooked, fighting the automatic urge to label food as “good” or “bad.”
I like to think about recovery as a lifelong journey that is and will be different to every person going through it. Yet one thing that tends to remain the same for all of us is how the process is like a roller coaster. Some days you will feel like you have conquered it all. All your fears around food, calories and exercising will be far gone and you will enjoy your life at its fullest. Yet there will be other days where you might find it difficult to keep on going with this new lifestyle because thoughts of your old one might suddenly invade and tell you that you NEED to look a certain way and shouldn’t be eating this or that.
Yes, recovery can get challenging. This is why it is extremely important to start it with someone by your side — like a friend or a family member — so that you are constantly reminded of who you are, your worth and how capable you are of taking control of your life.
“Recovery can get challenging. This is why it is extremely important to start it with someone by your side — like a friend or a family member — so that you are constantly reminded of who you are, your worth and how capable you are of taking control of your life.”
Looking back now to photos that were taken in 2019, I can tell I was completely wrong about my body back then. All of these erroneous thoughts about my body were created by the devouring monster called body dysmorphia (or BDD), a mental health problem where a person is so upset about the appearance of their body that it gets in the way of their ability to live normally. Researchers estimate that about 2% of people around the world experience BDD, and the disorder most often begins around the age of 12 or 13.
Nobody should feel there is something wrong with their body at the age of 13. But around the world, girls are deeply affected by the constant pressure and impossibly high standards that the world puts on them to have a “perfect body.” From a young age, we hear comments about how imperfect our bodies are and how we should do something to “fix” them. These types of comments entirely affect how girls see themselves, and can result in the development of an eating disorder and/or BDD. It is also important to highlight that social media has made the problem worse. Among the immense sea of “perfection” that social media portrays, there is not enough representation of women with diverse body types.
When I look back at the downhill journey my first eating disorder took me on, I realize that all of us have internalized so many harmful misconceptions about eating disorders that should be called out by all of us, no matter how young or how old. The idea that eating disorders are just a matter of “vanity” places a label on those suffering from an eating disorder as just people who care too much about their appearance. Sufferers of eating disorders might start believing this mistaken and harmful idea and feel unworthy of getting help. Furthermore, the belief that you have to be extremely thin in order to be suffering from an eating disorder can lead doctors to misdiagnosing — or ignoring — eating disorders in people with bigger bodies. Lastly, it is important to call out the assumption that girls and women alone experience body dysmorphia and eating disorders. Many boys and men suffer from these same problems, and their struggles deserve to be validated too.
In some families and communities, eating disorders are still considered an out-of-boundaries or taboo subject, making it harder for girls who are experiencing them to muster up the courage and speak up about what they are going through. During my time in recovery, I experienced this issue taking place within my own community. When I finally mustered up the courage to open up about my struggles with an eating disorder to some of my closest friends, some of them opened up about theirs too — for the first time ever. So many young people keep their struggles a secret due to the lack of safety, awareness and empathy our communities have around this topic. That’s why it’s so important for girls in this situation to have access to safe and understanding spaces where they can share about their struggles and access resources for help. Schools should make space for student groups created by eating disorder survivors who are now willing to help other people going through the same thing and provide access to a hotline for students who need immediate help. I’d also like to see schools everywhere take action to educate all students about body dysmorphia and eating disorders through classes or monthly seminars. This will help build a culture of understanding and make schools a place where students feel safe opening up.
“So many young people keep their struggles a secret due to the lack of safety, awareness and empathy our communities have around this topic. That’s why it’s so important for girls in this situation to have access to safe and understanding spaces where they can share about their struggles and access resources for help.”
If anyone reading this is going through either disordered eating, body dysmorphia or both, let me first send you a really long and heartwarming hug. Let me remind you that you aren’t — and will never be — alone. It might feel like this journey is never-ending, but if you are brave enough to ask for help, there is always someone out there willing to help you and a brighter future ahead (editor’s note: see below for helplines and organisations that can assist you in finding professional care). Since I started recovery and gained back all the weight I lost during my eating disorder, I have become the most confident and happiest version of myself. I no longer waste time stressing about how much I’ve eaten or what my body looks like. I don’t back out of social events or experiences because I am not feeling comfortable with my body. I started living my life to the fullest again — and I want you to get to live yours too!
Let’s keep constantly creating awareness about body dysmorphia and eating disorders by sharing information with our families and on social media — not only during National Eating Disorders Awareness (NEDA) week, but year-round. No voice is too little or never heard. Let's stop making comments towards each other’s bodies as well as our own. Let’s show our friends they can turn to us when they want to feel safe and not judged. Let’s welcome anyone and everyone who feels moved to talk about their struggles with body dysmorphia and eating disorders, let them know they are no longer alone and encourage them to seek professional help. Let’s constantly remind them how worthy they truly are — no matter their weight, shape or size.
Everybody is beautiful and so worthy of love. Let’s break the expectation that we should have a “certain type of body” and be our own kind of true beauty.
Resources
Here are some helplines and organisations that can assist you in finding professional care:
Eating disorder resources
Academy for Eating Disorders (global)
Middle East Eating Disorder Association (regional)
The Butterfly Foundation (Australia)
Clínica Alemana de Santiago (Chile)
Africa Mental Health Research and Training Foundation (Kenya)
Comenzar de Nuevo A.C. (Mexico)
ALUBA (Spain)
Eating Disorders South Africa (South Africa)
NCS Counseling (Thailand)
Beating Eating Disorders (U.K.)
ANAD (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders) (U.S.)
Mental health helplines
Befrienders Worldwide (global)
IMAlive (global)
Centro de Asistencia al Suicida (Argentina)
Kids Helpline (Australia)
CVV – Life Valorization Center (Brazil)
Bell Let’s Talk (Canada)
AASRA (India)
SAPTEL (Mexico)
She Writes Woman (Nigeria)
Natasha Goulbourn Foundation (Philippines)
LifeLine (South Africa)
Samaritans (U.K.)
Mental health organisations
Read more
