When traditions need to change: period parties in Sri Lanka
“These customs may have been carried on for a long time but is it worth it for girls?” (Courtesy of Charuni Nayanathara)
19-year-old writer Charuni Nayanathara writes about why attitudes surrounding menstruation in Sri Lanka need to change.
Have you ever wanted something so bad, you couldn’t wait for it to happen? I am sure most of us have had this experience, in one way or another. A few years back, there was something I really wanted. But it wasn’t something that was easy for me to get. There was no way for me to make sure I could get it, yet I was sure that someday soon it would come. It wasn’t like waiting for the mail or for a new movie to come to the theaters. There was a special, oddly different excitement around it. Maybe because this thing was important, it felt special and made me anticipate it. However, at some point I became tired of waiting and in the busyness of life simply forgot about it.
Then one day, in the spur of a moment it happened. I got my first period! Surprising, isn’t it? That I waited for something that can be painful.
But I had my reasons and these have to do with the customs surrounding menstruation in Sri Lanka. I was waiting for the celebration called ‘Kotahalu Magula’ or ‘Kotahalu Yagaya.’
There are diverse cultures in the world, each with their own unique customs. Sri Lanka is an island country packed with its own rituals and culture. One of these rituals is the Kotahalu Magula, a ceremonious celebration that takes place when a girl hits puberty. The word itself is significant. According to my grandmother in Sinhala, Kota means short, halu or sallu means clothes while Magula means wedding or celebration, so combined it means ‘short clothes celebration.’ Here ‘short clothes’ represent a girl's younger, childhood days when she was allowed to wear short clothes but as she grows older, she is expected to wear longer clothes.
Sometimes there are regional differences in the meaning of the word such as some sources understanding kota as new, which means a girl gets ‘new clothes.’ The history of Kotahalu Yagaya is woven around the legend of a king named Maha Sammatha, whose wife died before his daughter came of age. The king requested his sister to do the rituals for the princess. During the customs, the king’s sister tore a piece of cloth, giving one piece to the princess and another to a shorter one to a younger girl. Since then, the festival came to be known as ‘Kotahalu Yagaya.’
Even after girls in my community hit puberty, they are still considered young and don’t have a clear understanding of what is happening and are given advice by elders. In my community, people stick to their beliefs and traditions. In Sri Lanka when a girl bleeds for the first time, she is put in a room, away from men, with female relatives who are not supposed to leave her alone. If for some reason she has to be alone, an iron object is kept under her pillow or somewhere else in the room to drive away the blood thirsty spirits.
“Why should a girl miss important school work because something normal occurred?”
While a girl is in the room, her horoscope is read by an astrologist to find an auspicious time. The girl is not allowed to eat meat or fish while she is in the room and is only given light meals of veggies and rice. She is also advised to not eat oily food for the next three months. Closer to the auspicious day, an astrologist called Redi Nanda comes to the house and bathes the girl. After the bath, the girl is covered with a fresh white cloth and brought inside the house where a mat is laid with various things such as: a water basin, mirror, oil lamps, sweets, raw rice and tea. According to the customs, she is supposed to look at her reflection in the water basin and in the mirror. She then worships her elders and receives gifts from them, usually gold necklaces and earrings. With society’s influences, these customs have changed in various ways. The parties have become bigger, even renting out halls, rather than having it at home. However, despite economic hardships, people still host large parties to celebrate that a girl has gone through this change. In modern slang, these are dubbed ‘big girl parties.’
I looked forward to my party because I saw my friends having huge parties with food and music for the guests. I wanted to experience it too but I didn’t know what it was actually going to be like. At my party, everyone was enjoying themselves while I was in pain from the cramps. Even though I was the main event, I wasn’t allowed to eat many of the delicacies, which annoyed me. I felt like this was unfair. At that moment I felt the world wasn’t just round, it was biased and cruel to the bone. To be honest, I felt betrayed by everyone, they were enjoying everything…the music, food and the games.Having had enough I wanted to scream out in frustration, because some things need to have a limit.
I began to realize that a girl is kept inside a room for several days because she is bleeding and considered ‘dirty.’ She is bathed to make her ‘clean and pure’ so she can be approachable for men. The party is also to benefit parents who receive gold and money as gifts. These customs may have been carried on for a long time but is it worth it for girls? Does getting your period mean that you are considered ‘dirty’ for that time of the month? Should we be set aside and isolated because we are bleeding? Are we supposed to be used like dolls to collect money from relatives? Is this all fair? Is there another way to do all this? Girls miss a lot of school work if the parties happen during school days. Why should a girl miss important school work because something normal occurred? Whenever I see a little girl going through this process, these questions pop into my head.
“We must face the reality that menstruation happens every month for every woman, it should neither be celebrated nor hidden. This doesn’t mean letting go of culture but embracing it with a new understanding.”
I feel that in Sri Lanka, many people are unwilling to question traditions carried forward from ancestors. The subject of menstruation is also considered taboo and only discussed secretly among women. When a girl gets her first period, rather than putting her in discomfort and on display, she should be supported and looked after with care. Knowing how girls feel at this time, it would be great if families showed them respect and understanding and mothers and fathers bought their daughters special gifts.
Girls are not objects to be used and treated as if they are ‘dirty’, just because the culture deems them so. It is the 21st century and time to rethink and evaluate some of the meaningless traditions we uphold. We must face the reality that menstruation happens every month for every woman, it should neither be celebrated nor hidden. This doesn’t mean letting go of culture but embracing it with a new understanding. After all, girls are the future. They are the doctors, scientists, authors, astronauts, actresses and mothers of the upcoming generations. It is time to change for the better, because the future depends on what we do in the present.
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