Breaking gender norms is important for everyone, not just women

“He [my brother] learned about how gender affects our lives and how important it is for everyone to be empowered. He started questioning the rules that held me back. He realized that breaking these rules was important for everyone, not just women. (Photo courtesy of Bedari, an organization working to empower women and girls in Pakistan)

15-year-old student Alishba writes about how she refused to let societal expectations hinder her pursuit of empowerment through personal development classes — and how her brother helped her along the way. Bedari is an organisation supported by Malala Fund.

In my family, we have traditional beliefs about how men and women should behave. These beliefs were strict, meaning they were enforced strongly. For example, there were certain things that girls like me were not supposed to do. 

I've always believed in improving myself, but it wasn't easy. I joined a self-growth workshop, designed to help girls improve themselves and their lives — but there was a problem.

I remember the first time I heard about the self-growth session, I was excited. I wanted to go, to learn and grow, but my family didn't think it was okay. In our family, girls didn't go to such sessions. Just thinking about it made me sad.

It was tough because I really wanted to go to these sessions to learn and grow. But my family and society did not think it was a good idea for girls. I wanted to learn new things and meet other girls who were also trying to improve themselves.

(Photo courtesy of Bedari, an organization working to empower women and girls in Pakistan)

I was excited to learn about things like understanding myself better, setting goals and communicating better with others. I also wanted to learn how to stand up for myself and for other people who might not have the same opportunities because of their gender. 

I wanted to be part of those sessions, but our family's rules and society's expectations held me back. It was a struggle between what I wanted and what everyone else thought was right. 

Time passed, and I kept my wish hidden. I watched the chance slip away and felt sad. It was not just about missing personal development classes; it was about having the freedom to follow my dreams.

Then something unexpected happened. My brother, who had stopped me from going before, attended a training about violence at home. It was organized by the Bedari staff. This training changed him in a big way. He learned that because I am a girl, there were certain things I was not supposed to do and this made it harder for me to be myself.  

He learned about how gender affects our lives and how important it is for everyone to be empowered. He started questioning the rules that held me back. He realized that breaking these rules was important for everyone, not just women.

With his support, I started attending the self-growth sessions again. It felt like I was breaking free from the rules that held me back and becoming more confident in myself. Seeing my brother change and support me made me feel even better because it showed me that I wasn't alone. It felt like we were making progress together, and it gave me hope for the future. I felt myself changing for the better, and my family began to notice too.

“My determination, along with my brother’s growing understanding, allowed me to break free from old beliefs. Our journey towards self-growth brought our family closer together. It’s been a journey of unity and understanding, gently stepping away from the old ways.”

— Alishba

My brother's perspective started to shift, which had a ripple effect on all of us. It didn't completely change him, but he began to realize that some of the traditional beliefs about women were not fair. This shift made a small, but important, difference.

Today, I stand as proof that even small changes can make a big impact. My determination, along with my brother's growing understanding, allowed me to break free from old beliefs. Our journey towards self-growth brought our family closer together. It's been a journey of unity and understanding, gently stepping away from the old ways. As I continue to grow, I'm grateful for the path that brought me here and for the strength to bring change to my life and the lives of those around me.